Wednesday, December 23, 2009 ; 6:03 PM
Title:If only i knew..
Author:Alonton Kutcher.
It was 3.30am. The full moon was very clear.
And there were stars to decorate the dark sky.
I took out my diary and a black pen.
I then let my fingers dance with the pen on it.
I thought i was hallucinating. I really thought that i was.
But i was not.
I looked at my clock with the shape of a chicken and it showed 4.15am.
I then realised that my fingers danced for that long.
And i stared at my diary as if i could just burn it by just staring at it.
I noticed something. My fingers didnt dance for nothing.
It produced something on it.
"Dear girl..
I thought that you were the one..
The one that God had sent..
To take care of me and shower with all your leftover love on me..
I thanked God day and night non-stop..
Nothing else matters except you..
You are like my earpiece..
Without you,i cant listen to the musics on my mp3..
Without you,i cant live.
Both of us are two different people.
You are rich and i am just poor.
I cant give you an Adidas watch.
I cant give you a big Winnie the Pooh.
I cant give you money so you can spend on anything you like.
But i can give you happiness by giving you my love.
Love that is so sincere.
Which you cant get it at 7-eleven or other shops.
When we went out together..
Im sorry that i didnt wear a Topman shirt..
Im sorry that i didnt wear a Levis jeans..
Im sorry that i didnt wear a nice shoes..
Im just not capable of these things..
But what put a smile on my face was when you said that i dont have to apologize..
Cause i did nothing wrong.
You accept me for who i am. God,you just sent an Angel to me.
What else can i ask for?
Maybe health. So that i can live a longer period with you.
But soon,things started to change..
A new man entered your life.
I was pushed aside.
I was like a substitute on the bench while looking at both of you happily in the field..
I wanted to interfere but i stopped half way.
Cause i saw you smiling. Hey,you're happy.
I swear,i have never seen you this happy before.
I stepped back a few steps..
Soon,i realised that i was very far away from you.
But you're still smiling.
Well,cant blame you cause he is way much better than i am.
He got the looks,he got the kind-heart,he is capable to buy you nice gifts..
Unlike me.
Maybe i was just your temporary love.
Until you found your Mr.Perfect.
Guess that my job is done,you have found your Mr.Perfect.
I bet you will marry him someday.
At least,i wish that you will invite me to your wedding.
I guess i should upgrade myself into a better person..
I continued my studies overseas.
It took me three years,three long years.
I came back,hoping that you will wait for me at the airport.
I waited for hours. But i couldnt see you.
I gave up. I gave up on the 'Angel' that God sent to me.
I just kept on walking.
The airport seems to be like an endless road.
An endless road without a stop sign.
I swear. I swear to God Almighty that i hate you so much.
Hate you for making me love you so much.
Yet you make me look like a fool.
Girl,i HATE you..."
It stopped till there. My fingers wont dance anymore. I cant write no more.
I was exhausted. I just feel like diving into the deep blue sea.
I switched on my laptop.
I check my emails. I dont usually read my emails.
So i will just leave it there,in my inbox.
I was about to delete all my emails when one email caught my eyes.
It was from her!
It was not a recent one.
It was three years ago.
I opened it and read slowly,word by word..
"Dear boy..
I know that you dont like reading emails but i got no choice..
I have no idea where are you right now..
I cant send you a letter..
And i know that you are really mad at me while you're reading this..
But i have to do this..
The guy that you saw with me countless times?
Well,his my cousin..
I purposely do that so that you would hate me..
I cant think of anything else to make you leave me..
Love,do you want to know why im doing this?
I got a brain tumour. A brain TUMOUR for God's sake!
How can you possible be married to a person like me,right?
Haha,looks like my plan did worked out. You did leave me.
And i bet by the time you're reading this,im no longer in this world.
You just take care of yourself and do eat healthy stuffs okay!
And dont forget to exercise too!(:
Lastly,before i end this,i want to tell you that you are the ANGEL that God sent to me so that you could take care of me and shower me with all your love on me!
I thanked God day and night endlessly.
I swear,you are the best boyfriend i ever had in my entire life!
Thank you for everything.
You gave me a gift that no other guys could give it to me.
And that is your LOVE. Love that is very pure and sincere.
I can assure you that you will get a better girl than me,trust me!(;
So i guess thats about it.
Just erase me from your memory and start afresh,okay?
Do take care,my Love.
Yours sincerely,
your Angel."
My keyboard was wet. My mouse was shivering.
The light from my monitor just kept on shining on me.
I am stupid! Totally stupid!
I just kept on repeating this same line..
"If only i knew.. If only i knew.."
Hahah! Just a random love story..
And the author is me uh,despite the name like cool like that..
Like an author's name huh!x)
Ouh FYI,im not having a love sick uh.. Haa.
Like i said,its just a random one.^^
(Remember,don't fall in love.)
